The question I want to ask is: Is coming together and discussing what you have in common ((better)) for two groups with opposing viewpoints OR IS DEBATING?
So I will compare and contrast debating with finding common ground, follow up with some reflections, and try to reach a conclusion.
Finding common ground:
(1) Is more personal,
(2) creates trust,
(3) establishes a relationship,
(4) is less structured and more free flowing,
(5) achieves real communication,
(6) draws more women than men, &
(7) shows you have more in common than not..
Debating:
(1) Is less personal,
(2) does not reinforce trust,
(3) establishes a competitive "relationship",
(4) is more structured and less free flowing,
(5) encourages talking past each other,
(6) draws more men than women, &
(7) focuses on where you disagree..
However there seems to be a stronger cultural/psychological predisposition to debating and challenging ideas than in discussing what you have in common. I would say, therefore, debate events are far more common and more popular than any events focusing on finding common ground... So this could be a huge obstacle in the way of a cultural shift that makes finding common ground popular!
My compare and contrast above seems to show debating and finding common ground to be basically opposite of each other, but are they really that opposite?
I would say NO in the sense that debate events, such as the one I attend monthly, also include some degree of sharing what you have in common, getting to know someone of an opposing viewpoint, real communication, etc.
However, I think that those of differing viewpoints do not get enough of this healthy exposure to each other at these events and it's not done frequently enough(like every Sunday, for example) to reinforce and deepen any kind of real relationship..
Some people would disagree with me on this. However, these people, I argue, are the very ones who are looking to establish personal connections at these events besides merely getting their debate fix, so there is a personal drive for them as opposed to the majority of people..
Another important thought to contribute here is that events who's theme is finding common ground will draw a more representative percentage of the population. Why? Because you will no longer have the traditional 80% men and 20% women attending these events. Events which discuss what you have in common and that make a real connection will draw an audience of, say, 60-65% women and 35-40% men.
The day I see a secular community with a stronger presence of women than men will be a good day in my book for 4 reasons: (1) We need more female leaders in communities (2) this community will focus more on the whole person and not just the intellectual aspect, (3) this community will draw both men AND women, and (4) this community will possibly will draw some of the lgbt community, different ethnic groups, people with disabilities, etc. and become a more complete community.
CONCLUSION:
It appears that debating and find common ground lead to very different results, but both are important in their own ways.. I personally want to see a secular community in the best sense of the word: one that wants, yes, to understand all aspects of nature, the world, and universe, BUT one that also wants to understand all categories of human beings.
Nevertheless, in my opinion, the majority of people have difficult wanting to understand other people, because human beings are complicated, messy, and not something you can simply fix or quantify with science. Furthermore, most of us are not anthropologists of people and we let other people's differences and peculiarities effectively culture shock us and switch off our desire to inquire..
So in a perfect world we start with finding what we have in common with those of a differing point of view and when we have done that over a period of time and have effectively bonded, we then can discuss what we disagree on and MAYBE instead of talking past each other we will actually hear each other, because the trust is there, and LEARN from each other!
Who knows, maybe our human nature is too strong to successfully achieve such an undertaking...
